No Guarantees
by Gabs
Summary: Sydney and Irina talk about why Syd does what she does Set during 'Passage Part I'


No Guarantees

By Gabs (GabsHardyL4tM@hotmail.com)

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DISCLAIMER: Uh, they still don't belong to me, and I still don't claim they do. We good? Good.

A/N: This is a conversation between Syd and Irina that takes place during 'Passage Part I,' picking up right where a scene ended, so there are some minor spoilers. A review would make me feel special, even if it's just to tell me to get a life or the like. On to the show!

"Mom, I need your help," Sydney said softly. After a brief pause, Irina nodded shortly. "All right. I'll help you, Sydney." She smiled slightly. "Thank you, Mom." She turned to leave, but was stopped by her mother's questioning voice. "Why do you do it?" Sydney turned back to face her. "Why do I do what?" Irina shot her a penetrating look that made Sydney feel as if she could see into her soul. "Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you continue to lead this life?" Sydney's eyes darkened. "Are you asking me why I'm a double agent?" Irina nodded.

"Yes, I am. Why? Do you truly love your country so much that you are willing to risk your life with everything that you do? Every meeting with Agent Vaughn, every time you discuss anything CIA related with your father, every time you come to see me, your life is on the line. And with each time, your odds of survival worsen. Is it really worth it?"

Sydney shut her eyes to the truth of her mother's words. "I don't do it to save the world. I don't do it for the CIA, the FBI, Washington. I do it for myself. I do it to avenge Danny's death. I do it so I don't have to lie to Francie every time I see her. I do it to salvage Will's reputation, so he can have _his_ life back. I do it for Dad. I do it for Dixon and Marshall, and every other SD-6 employee who has no idea of what they've gotten themselves into. I do it so I can lead a 'normal' life someday. And I do it so I can…" she cut herself off abruptly and tore her eyes away from her mother's knowing gaze. "So you can what, Sydney?" She didn't answer, keeping her eyes focused on her new shoes. "Sydney." She slowly, cautiously looked up to meet her mother's dark eyes. Sydney didn't know what she was expecting to see there, but it certainly wasn't the one thing she did find. 

Understanding.

"You do it so you can be with Agent Vaughn," Irina said softly. Sydney didn't respond; she didn't need to. There was no point in denying it either, so she simply remained quiet. "He cares a great deal about you too, you know," Irina continued. Sydney nodded. "I know," she said quietly. "No, Sydney, I don't think you do." Sydney's eyes filled with anger as she glared at her mother through the glass. "How can you say that? How _dare_ you? You are in no position to make judgements like that. You don't have the slightest clue about our situation!" Irina remained calm through her daughter's outburst. "No? Well, why don't you enlighten me?" Sydney looked startled, but quickly regained composure. "There is too much at stake. We have so many things we have to keep in mind. There's protocol, there's Sloane, our individual lives apart from each other and the CIA. There's just no way those things can… mesh. We just… if anything is ever going to happen between us, it has to wait until SD-6 is gone."

Irina, who had been quiet the whole time, finally spoke. "And after that? Once The Alliance is gone, where do you go from there?" Sydney shrugged uncertainly. "I'm not sure. But we'll have an eternity to figure it out." Sydney fell silent, suddenly unsure of why she had revealed so much to her mother. The woman probably didn't have the first clue about Danny, Francie, or Will, yet she had spoken so freely of them. Frowning slightly, she took a step away from the cell, and began to move down the hallway with the intent of informing Kendall of her mother's change of heart. She was again stopped by Irina's voice.

"Sydney… life holds no guarantees. Eternity can be over in the space of a second."

Sydney didn't turn back to look at her mother, or make any reply to her, but the words struck a chord in her heart. She continued on her way to find Kendall, but a million new thoughts flew through her mind. After they retrieved the 6 nukes, she would need to do some soul searching. Was it worth it to tell Vaughn, flat out, how she felt? Could it work? Those were some of the things she had to decide. But now was not a good time.

Irina watched her daughter disappear down the hallway. With a small sigh, she lowered herself down to the uncomfortable steel mattress. Her pillow and blanket hadn't arrived yet. She didn't know if Sydney would take her advice. But Irina knew, perhaps better than anyone, what it felt like to have your whole life ripped out in a matter of seconds. Jack, of course, had felt it too.

She didn't want their daughter to suffer through it as well.

I realized (kinda after I had almost finished writing) that this wouldn't really fit with the rest of the ep, but just humor me. Please? I'm not sure if I'm going to make a sequel yet, but if I do it will probably be up soon. Thanks for reading!


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